i look at this picture and i think...who was i? WHERE was i? thinking about all the life i have lived since that time, kind of overwhelms me. like....i had no idea any of it was going to happen. luck, 'success,' love, poverty, total confusion, burn out, bliss, heartbreak, insecurity, stagnation, life-changing experiences, laughter, curiosity, more confusion, and now....
bewilderment.
where does it all go? seriously. what am i doing here? i don't want you to answer that. i don't want anyone to answer it. only to ask it. again and again.
what am i doing here?
what?
why is this, THIS?
so i can dress up and run around and make people laugh or cry or think or marvel or sleep or what? that, i have realized, as fun as it is....ain't it. and i can see it happening over and over again with new people...younger people, and admire that feeling, that emotion. see it play out even in the same city i played it out in. that rush of newness, that thrill of the crush on 9 people, that electricity of wondering what will happen tomorrow? the freshness.
and i know it all fades. not in a depressing way at all, but as it has always been meant to. and pictures of plays that you did 8 years ago get sent to you in an email as if ....'remember that' is all it now is. what was so all-encompassing and 'important' and truly, TRULY massive to my one life....is now just a picture in an electronic file zapped across a wireless expanse, to make me think and wonder....
what am i doing here?
question on....
peace
g
are you saying that theatre isn't doing it for you anymore? that you would rather create than use other people's creations?
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