it's parent appreciation day for gavin.
i just love my mom and dad. i was talking about them last night with some new friends (who took me to an amazing restaurant called
QUALITY MEATS ...go!) and while we were at dinner, besides the tirade i went into about the current state of affairs with the gay rights movement in our country, we talked for a while about families and parents....i just got to really thinking about my mom and dad and ....how great they are.
we have been growing as people our whole lives, but as adults, my parents and i have become so much closer. i think about that and wonder WHY that is....i always figured as you get older, you grow farther apart. i mean, i live in new york city and they are all the way down there in north carolina. we don't see each other in person as often as we would like, and besides the occasional phone call/checkin/MAYBE skype session, our connection is more of a spiritual one most of the time. they have a ton of activities they are a part of down in their community, i'm racing around doing whatever nonsense it is that i'm doing, and well...we're just getting older and doing it mostly apart. so why? why do i feel like i am actually getting closer to them as i age?
i think...it is a) because i'm just older. i know this isn't profound in the slightest, but hear me out. i have always been a pretty strong willed person and growing up passionate and strong willed....manifested in me (and i think manifests in a lot of people) in a little snotty know-it-all naivete, that...was/is probably pretty annoying. as i get older, i'm really trying to shed that and realize how little i know and how much i need to obverve, ask questions, just be. my parents have been living in that example for their adult lives. and they have been patient enough with me to let me be crazy and young and think i know what i am doing...and just let me grow.
b) they also haven't STOPPED. not only physically (they rock that schwinn airdine exercise bike ...you know the one, with the big fan for a wheel....
THIS ONE!) and, like i said, they are constantly planning gatherings, running commitees, working in their church...they just don't stop) but beyond just the running around and keeping busy, they haven't stopped growing emotionally. i think it is probably pretty easy as one gets older to just think "OKAY! i know what this is....i'm done. i know who i am and i'm not changing now" i think my grandfathers did that a bit. and in all fairness it was a mans world then. an america made for that person: a straight middle class white male. (sadly, i don't think that phase is completely over yet...) but whatever.
but MY PARENTS i am proud to say, continue to evolve and learn and open their minds and hearts. and the thing that i think brings this most to mind....and what i realize is probably the biggest reason i feel closer to my parents now more than ever is....
c) i am out to them.
they know every part of my heart. they know i am a gay man. they know i walk through this world as a homosexual. and they know....that that word is not a bad word. even my typing it now....still sets something off in me that makes me nervous. homosexual. homosexual. homosexual. isn't that crazy? i am out of the closet, and know myself completely, and i still have a bizarre reaction to the word. i can only imagine the process my mother and father have had to go through (and CONTINUE to go through) to be able to say or hear that word....and know that their son is one.
and then....to be PROUD of me for it and to realize, as they near 70 (sorry mom and dad :) hee hee
but as they near that new decade which most of the world probably thinks means someone of that age is slowing down, or close minded.....
my parents are actually raring up for the next phase and opening their hearts to learning and living more, and they are fighting with me and standing up for equality....and most importantly....LOVING ME for exactly who i am. exactly who god made me to be. and for that, i am so grateful.
i'll leave you with one neat story i remembered the other day.
when i came out to my parents in 2002, i did it at the beginning of the week i was home so that i could have the whole rest of the time to deal with any fallout (i was beyond nervous and didn't know what was going to happen) without going into it, it all went fine (it was TOUGH! but fine) well, on the second or third day after i told them, i was in the kitchen with my mom and we were making lunch and i decided to step back into the conversation a little and see how she was doing. now, i should preface this by saying, up to THIS point in our lives together, my parents and i really didn't talk about our feelings much at all. our relationship was loving, but we didn't really go THERE ever (we do much more now....thank god for that)
but i just asked my mom, while i was making the potato salad.... "so mom....how you doing?"
"with what?" she said.
"oh....you know....what we talked about....with what i told you about me..."
and she said.... " well.....(silence) ....it's hard. (silence).... i just....."
then there was a more silence
and then she said, "well gavin....it's going to take me some time. i just hope you don't go marching in any parades or anything."
it made me laugh, and at the time, i was not intending anything of the sort. i was pretty private and at the VERY start of my acceptance of myself and my sexuality.
but....i will have you know, that 7 years later, my mother and father were marching in a parade WITH ME in the National Equality March on DC....through the streets of our nations capitol, wearing BroadwayImpact t-shirts, chanting and smiling and walking with pride for their OUT HOMOSEXUAL SON....for his rights. for his future.
for OUR future.
i love you mom and dad.
peace
g
